Unfaithful Moment

I was an angry person  and evidently, angry people bring unhappiness to others. Your veins are stressful and tensed it's about to break anytime. I hold grudge beneath me and I enjoy hurting people. These never failed to make me feel happy and fresh. I was like a bird caught in a small cage literally and never stop looking for a breakthrough. I scream in myself wanting someone could set me free wtf I was just completely reserved at all time.

Friends once told me I should be religious because religion teach you love. It sounded utterly crap to me, frankly speaking. I can be very straight forward at time and I never thought that things that I said and wrote will go pear-shaped. As a blogger, misinterpretation should be expected coming your way because most of the readers don't know you personally. They don't really share a piece of you in the reality world. You have shits in life and happy moments, you write it but don't expect much that the readers will share your happiness but commented on it without consideration.

I am a person don't bother about shits others attempting to throw right in my face. I know how to make myself happy. Most of the people don't take the second chance to know you deeper and first impression always rule half of you.

By this time, I'm still trying to put my thoughts into sentences. I am pretty sure that most of you, let's say majority of the readers are clueless of what am I trying to blah over here.

I am not looking for attention here but ironically that, statistic shows that girls dolled up, speak up, the stare of their eyes are full of hints : I WANT ATTENTION. So let alone the little fabrics on her body and the fake lashes she put on. So generally, you can say girl bloggers are looking for attentions. *funny*

I have limited best friends. It's so little and I always have a fearful girl beneath me afraid that they will leave me all alone here someday. What I can do? I tend to ignore the fear, go through the shitty moments and wanting my life to be normal. It hurt me so badly when one of my male best friends told me that I have such a dramatic life and he gets enough of all the shits and he wanted the relationship to be ended right there. I was speechless but looking at him turning his back on me. I am not a drama queen but to blame my characteristics. I have only two sides and apparently, it's the dark side or bright side. Grey side never have its' word in my world. I can be completely friendly and nice at this time, but if I am pissed off, or plainly hate your face, I can be an utter bitch to you. It's the matter of liking or hating.

All this while, boyfriend and sisters advised me to put the anger aside and eventually, I can be happier. He elaborate more on that and little by little, I able to catch them. Trust me, honesty is the bad policy. You will never can tell the same thing to different person. I am not elaborating much on this, believe me, you are smart and if you finish reading this entry, eventually you will understand. *grin*

People has been telling me that I am unbreakable. Yes indeed. It isn't because I am born with super fiction power, I learned how to let it go and only care for people that love me with sincere heart. It's not a singular but plural which means you met a lot of people in life and I can't bother much to entertain each of them. Self defense is the best weapon, I will go for further extension and pretty sure I will repay the person double of what they've done to me. I believe in karma, you are bound to burn in hell because of your thoughtless actions.

Those unfaithful moments abused my trust towards my ex best friends. The experience is painful much to let the tears roll down uncontrollable down the cheek, but I know I am a better person today. I was shock and hurt at the same time when I see the doubtfulness in his eyes, I expected for empathy but nothing. The bond was just so weak between us and nobody should be blamed for this.

I never believe that best friends can be good couple. I trusted the friendship with full-hearted, apparently, nothing worked out but the scars we left for each other. These experiences hold me back awhile and I stop trusting friends ever since. I was full of resentments wtf now when I think back, I am completely an idiot. People said birds from same feather flock together. If I am too much with dramatic moments, I can't help it but don't best friends bear with each other? Nobody is perfect but unique. Can't this sentence tell you the fact?

I do not have prejudice on people, let it be prostitute or whatsoever. We will never know the stories behind and this is life. Everything is so subjective in this world and there is no correct answer for general question. 

The strongest part in me is faith. I put my faiths in people I love. Although he might be a loser or an asshole, this is your problem, not mine. I accept for who he or she is, if I don't and I can't, then we wouldn't be best friends. Male friends told me that being best friends there are always intention hidden behind the back. I truly agree with it. It's simply I like you and I approach you, we spend more time together share our thoughts freely, we are best friends. This particular girl was told that I am back stabbing her, obviously it's not true, she believed the juniors of us and she started to stay away from me. Let it be, I was angry but disbelief is even more felt by me inside. Truth will revealed when time passed. Found out that the junior admired her and she was jealous we both got so closed to each other. Jealousy kills, it broke a bond as if just a finger snap.

Being unfaithful is the bad quality in a person, especially when you are my friends. I learned to take a step back and look for a bigger picture. People can tell me how loser is my friend, but I believe he has reasons that you will never can understand. Misunderstand takes place between two human when one person couldn't be more considerate and tolerate with another person. When two person are not knowing each other that much as what shown at the surface, that is fake and why not just talk to each other rather than guessing.

Never know how to be faithful and loyal if we have prejudice on others. First impression comes first but it's not always be the case in making friends. Some people have difficulties in approaching people or they are just plain shy, but we already labeled her as the shy-girl-and-no-touch in class, have you experienced it, reader?

I have love and hate inside me and they are not fighting with each other wtf I am just joking. Most of me is not a hater but a lover. I think I can express my anger better and it makes me like a bitch. For instance this person sms me told me he missed me so much but I would answered why because you want to copy my assignments. Wtf, right? I really don't mean it. That is why I hate sms because the other person is not listening to you he is just guessing the intuition of the sentence, it sucks to the max. Imagine if I said the above answer and ended with a fake smile, it is truly sarcasm.  If I said it and ended with a grin, obviously it is just a joke.

I want people stop judging me and make wild guess of who I am what will I do. Hoping for understanding but I shall wait for the right person, maybe not you but this person will be here, it's just a matter of time. Wisely, treat others as how you want others treat you like.

Bah, blackmailing Edward. Just a distraction. Kudos.

Credit to my group of friends that never lost hopes in me. *peace*